My Black Christmas

Chilly wind blows... Christmas carols... Spirit of Christmas is here...

While everybody was busy attending parties, reunion of friends, classmates, relatives and blood - relation, here I am don't even want to feel the essence of Christmas, I just wish that this year's 25th of December won't come, this is the worse and saddest Christmas I ever had.. i may have a dull last year but this was so tormenting...

As I enter the first quarter of 2011 it was full of blissful memories that was worth reminiscing, with people I love, with people I care but all of it soon had torn into fragments as they one by one perished out of my life...

I never really expect they would leave me, without bidding adieu, without saying goodbye.. they just disappear out of my sight...

I don't really know if celebrating this year's Christmas does really worth it with the absence of the individual I care, the people I love, guess not, I think it was more livelier to spend this whole season at the cemetery for their the tombs won't never leave you... they are just their for you no matter what... well here's my story...

This person had been in my life for quiet long time ( a year and four months) this person had been my comforter, in times I feel the world was so unfair, My knight and shining armor when pain is trying to wage a battle against me and the person who makes my dream fulfilled - to be loved heartily.. but with a simple clear-cut mistake all the foundation that we have nourished had been terribly ruined and I don't even know if i have still the courage to put back the pieces again, this person leave me with words unsaid, tears unshed and love unexpressed..totally damaged...

"A friend in need is a friend indeed" a common phrase that has been classically portrayed but for me this has never been traditionally applied... If I would count all the friends that I have I would say I am one of the richest but this year I have distinguished that I am just wealthy on FAIR - WEATHERED FRIENDS - those people that was only at your side when the sun was up and shining but when the storm started to pour they one by one disappear at your side leaving you wet and freezing in the rain.. Out of 10 friends I am just lucky to have 2 true friends and i am really thankful that i have them being with me not only on my happy moments and achievements but also in my failure and down moments...

Now tell me, does Christmas worth celebrating with all the heartaches I have this year? I am trying to fix this all, my social and emotional problems but sad to say it was days to go and it was Christmas,maybe I will be spending this year "MY BLACK CHRISTMAS" alone....